Don't know what has possessed me to write on here again. It's been a while, and a lot has happened since I last wrote in here, but if you know me, you probably know what's gone on in my life over the past year, and that's not why I'm coming back to this anyway. I just feel like writing and sharing some things I've been learning with whoever may stumble back upon this and decide to read it.

I'm taking a class here at seminary this semester called Personal Spiritual Disciplines (I recommend Dr. Whitney's book Person Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life) and it is such a great class for me. We've been talking about meditating on Scripture and having a good Bible reading plan. It has been really beneficial to me, which is kind of a "well duh" thing to say. Of course that's going to be beneficial, but I've struggled with being disciplined in my Bible reading. i hate that I have, and I hate admitting that, but it's the truth. We also have to have an accountability partner in this class and I love that.

One of the things we're supposed to do with our accountability partner is read through a Psalm. Yesterday when I met with my partner (Jamie), we read through Psalm 77. For some reason this Psalm just resonated with both of us. It's kinda long, but this is my blog, so I'll type it all out anyway.

1 I cry aloud to God,
aloud to God, and he will hear me.
2 In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord;
in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying;
my soul refuses to be comforted.
3 When I remember God, I moan;
when I meditate, my spirit faints.
4 You hold my eyelids open;
I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
5 I consider the days of old,
the years long ago.
6 I said, "Let me remember my song in the night;
let me meditate in my heart."
Then my spirit made a diligent search:
7 "Will the Lord spurn forever,
and never again be favorable?
8 Has his steadfast love forever ceased?
Are his promises at an end for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he in anger shut up his compassion?'
10 Then I said, "I will appeal to this,
to the years of the right hand of the Most High."
11 I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
12 I will ponder all your work,
and meditate on your mighty deeds.
13 Your way, O God, is holy.
What god is great like our God?
14 You are the God who works wonders;
you have made known your might among the peoples.
15 You with your arm redeemed your people,
the children of Jacob and Joseph.
16 When the waters saw you, O God,
when the waters saw you, they were afraid;
indeed, the deep trembled.
17 The clouds poured out water;
the skies gave forth thunder;
your arrows flashed on every side.
18 The crash of your thunder was in the whirlwind;
your lightnings lighted up the world;
the earth trembled and shook.
19 Your way was through the sea,
your path through the great waters;
yet your footprints were unseen.
20 You led your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

I want to mention a few verses that stood out to me. First was verse 2, "In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted." I feel like I can relate to this. I know what it feels like to pray and ask why, but yet my soul just hasn't been able to be comforted. Sometimes things are just beyond my understanding. It's hard to accept. And slowly I feel like my soul has been able to draw comfort from seeking to understand God more. I've been learning not to be so me focused. A hard lesson to learn.

The next verse (well verses) that stood out was verses 12-14. "I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds. Your way, O God, is holy. What god is great like our God? You are the God who works wonders; you have made known your might among the peoples." I thought it was pretty cool that meditating was mentioned here, when we've been learning about meditating on scripture in class. This set of verses just makes me want to shout "Amen!" and I'm not an "amen" shouter. ha But seriously, what god is great like our God?! God is for sure the God who works wonders. I have seen him work so many wonders in my life. It blows my mind. I don't deserve the blessings he has given me. I'm so unworthy of his love, yet he chose to love.

One thing I was telling Jamie about is that once again I've been learning that I need to be ok with being myself. I struggle with self confidence. More than I care to admit. But once again God has been smacking me over the head that he made me the way I am. He gave me the talents I have and I need to use them to glorify him. This may sound weird, but I'm thinking too highly of myself and too little of God if I think my talents are good enough for God to use. I'm not saying I don't need to improve, I'm just saying I need to stop thinking so little of myself and my abilities. God can use me in my weaknesses. In fact, if I'm weak, it shows just how much greater he is because he used me in spite of myself. I know this, but sometimes my head and heart have trouble connecting. I hope some of this makes sense. This is just a little glimpse at some things that have been on my mind lately. -Allison-