...is a very violent game when playing the version where you have to run across the room to grab a spoon or wadded up piece of paper in this case. I had a chair thrown at me. ha We're intense when it comes to card games. Anyway not really the point of this post.

I've been learning even more about trust and listening to God lately. I'm not one of those people who has had a definite moment where I suddenly knew what I was called to do. I think God knew that he was going to have to give me little pushes to guide me considering a lot of things He's directed me to do are things I either said I wouldn't do or couldn't do in the past. I'm learning not to say I can't or won't do things anymore. Usually when I do I think God laughs and says wanna bet. I never thought I was one of the people called to do overseas missions, but more and more it's looking like that might be something in my near future. I don't think I'm called to be an overseas missionary forever but being part of a media team overseas has been on my heart since I went to Greece last spring break. Another thing I didn't know I'd ever do was go to seminary. I just didn't think it was for me because for one I didn't know they had anything in seminary to do with my field. Turns out I was wrong and I just finished my application the other day. I also never thought I'd get to fulfill my dream of being a camp counselor that I always had when I was younger and attending camps, well that got to happen last Summer and it was amazing. I said I'd never take a leadership position at camp...well like I said I should learn not to say never because I very well may be taking the photographer position this Summer which I can't help but see as God's timing. I mean I'm looking into going overseas and doing photography and what happens, God places a job in my hands that can help prepare me for that and couldn't be a more perfect Summer job for me. Wow.

I'm not nearly as scared of graduation as I was at the beginning of the year. Yeah, I'm still sad to be leaving my friends and I think that will probably hit me really hard at various points throughout the year, but I'm seeing more and more that God has a plan for me. I mean I knew that, but it's different to know that and to really trust that. When I started college I had no idea that I'd be where I am now. I used to think I wasn't good enough to do missions. I told myself I couldn't do something like that and I couldn't do leadership positions because all the people in those positions seemed so much better than me. Gah. I'm so glad I've gained confidence since those days. I still struggle, sure, but I'm learning. Sometimes it just takes a beating over the head for some things to sink in with me.

The other day the lyrics to an Avalon song struck a chord with me. It's not even my favorite song of theirs but when I was listening the lyrics seemed to be very fitting for me right now.

I've had a world of possibilities
Slip through my hands
And prayers that went unanswered
That I couldn't understand
There's a faith that can move mountains
But I never let it move me
I only trust in things that I could see

So much frustration in trying it alone
I've had the revelation I can't make it on my own

Deep in my heart
Deep in my soul
There was always something missing
Now you've got my full attention
I give you my life
Surrender control
I finally learned to listen to the call
I give you my all

There are moments in the journey
Where I wonder where you are
And sometimes I forget
That you live inside my heart
It's then I hear you whisper
"I've been here all along"
And I'm in the hands of mercy where I belong

A silent conversation when you speak to me
It's the sweetest inspiration and all I'll ever need